Conflict – Curse or a Blessing

(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on May 30, 2025 )

You will say, how can conflict ever be a blessing? While “curse” may be a tad dramatic, most of us, at least the “wise ones”, do everything to not have any conflict. Correct? 

This reflection was triggered by what has been happening the last two weeks – in the lives of friends & family. Three different settings:

First, a young man struggling to cope with career/relationship challenges.

Second, a wise professional of decades of great work trying to negotiate a relationship with the board.

Third, a young bride-to-be & her father dealing with an upcoming wedding.

Apparently very different situations. However, as I see them, there is conflict at the center.

First — more with himself.

Second — one between roles (or values?).

Third — between child & parent (also about past & present).

Being “involved” in some capacity in each, I was fascinated by my own different reactions/responses. 

In the first, I could see the war within & had to get him to see a different way of looking at it – rather than see the look for an escape or a distraction, a quick fix. There was an invitation to feel the pain rather than blame self or others. There could be an acceptance of "mistakes" & learning from them. The insurmountable  block could be met with one little change done with love & acceptance. I had to manage the temptation to give advice and make myself vulnerable by sharing from my own life.

The second revealed, after long conversations between friends, deep-seated patterns on both sides of the conflict. The invitation is/was to drop the conclusions, look at the future & see if there could be a shared vision which would enable the hard work of mending relationships. Our wise friend had to see something new—but it seems to be too little too late. Had to set aside my desire to "save” the great work.

The third was a triggering of trauma, leading to panic (for a while) for the young lady & a resurfacing of anger (& underlying defensiveness) for the father. Since much inner work has been done by both, and with the healthy trust in the relationship, there was a holding of space, also enabled by the loving presence of others, that led to new understanding of each other as well as the more healing required. Here, the need was to acknowledge the past but not let it cloud the present & preclude a different future.

In each, there has been “progress,” different in each case. Everyone involved has had a chance to shift from blaming to claiming responsibility. Rather than avoiding conflict, there was an owning of one's contribution to the situation. That's necessary but not sufficient for change/resolution. That’s not always as straightforward.

What has changed for each? Only time will tell. But it was a blessing, not a curse. Hence to me it was a great example of how conflict—honestly & humbly—could bring growth in us.

What's your experience with conflict?

What's your challenge in resolution?