Routines, Addictions & Fixes
(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on July 1, 2025 )
I’ve been struggling with my routines around fitness, especially exercise, for over a couple of months now — ever since the wedding events of my daughter, Srushti, in June. It’s been nearly two months where life has felt very different on so many levels.
I am fascinated by how much I (and perhaps many others) value the normal — the routines of daily life. The “disturbance” to this routine could come from a happy event like a wedding, or something difficult like illness or loss. Either way, there’s often a deep-seated urge to return to routine — a longing for the familiar. Is it because we feel safer, more in control, more in-charge when the familiar surrounds us? When a routine is in place, life feels manageable.
For me, these last few weeks have felt like an immersion into uncertainty, being at the mercy of others. When things didn’t go as per “the plan,” I could clearly see my reactions — anger, frustration, blame — surfacing, desperate to steal the show. I so wanted to jump in, straighten things out, get real!
There was also a hankering for the structure of exercise time, time alone, doing what I liked, when I liked. To just chill. To not have to make decisions or have difficult conversations. To stay “safe,” to maintain the illusion that all is good and nothing needs to change!
An addiction to the familiar, perhaps?
Getting my daily “fixes” through routine — the rhythm of life tightly controlled to fit my ego’s version of the “good life.” Keeping up appearances, avoiding questions lurking around the corner. Hiding behind well established ways of being and doing that make for a comfortable, predictable life in an urban setting. Getting used to the trappings of a good life. And then falling into the trap of wanting more of the same, rather than waking up to the shifts — both around and within.
Initially, I thought I just needed a break from the immediate stress of wedding planning. Everything had gone well, and that brought relief and celebration. But it was also an ending — though I didn’t see it that way until much later. And so, I kept wanting to “get back to the routine.”
Somehow, by the grace of God, the guidance of my coaches, the wisdom of my children, and the love of my friends, I first became aware of this deeper shift beneath the surface. Life in its infinite kindness showed me that there’s no going back.
Many signals of change — which I had ignored or muted — were now undeniably here. Whether it was shifting furniture or replacing old equipment, changes needed to happen. Long conversations about what’s happening within me — what my heart truly wants and what my body needs — have slowly led me toward a gentler, more honest way of re-engaging with life.
Not from habit. But from a place of gratitude for what has been. From a place of excitement for what is being born. From a place of quiet confidence, built on wisdom earned from authentically engaging with life — in all its colors, chaos, and vibrant shifts.
---
So, looking forward to new walks, talks… into the land of freedom, love, peace, and joy!
A Wedding to Remember
(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on July 1, 2025 )
It’s been over five weeks since my last reflection — and for good reason. Life swept me into a whirlwind of celebration, planning, logistics, and deep emotion as we prepared for my daughter Srushti's wedding. What began as a single ceremony evolved into a five-event extravaganza spread across four challenging days.
From shopping and scheduling to the long tail of follow-up and recovery, it’s been anything but “normal.” And yet, somehow, everything felt exactly right. For someone who once swore off marriage altogether, Srushti's transformation has been a decade in the making. She searched for the right man — and she found him in Craig, a gentle, thoughtful soul. Their journey hasn’t been linear. Like most real-life stories, it came with its own set of detours and potholes. But in the end, they stood side-by-side, ready to begin a new chapter.
There was a time in my life when I viewed weddings as a waste of time, effort, and resources — hollow rituals performed to satisfy egos or meet social expectations. But this experience taught me otherwise. Done with the right intent, anchored in love and care, a wedding can be a celebration of genuine togetherness. It can be a public expression of a deeply personal commitment — to love, to grow, to nourish.
Coming from different religious backgrounds, Srushti and Craig took their time — not just to decide to marry, but to shape every element of the ceremony. Rituals were questioned, edited, and reimagined. Nothing was done just for tradition’s sake. Instead, everything was designed to be real and meaningful to both of them — and to us, their families and friends. I felt blessed to witness something rare: two young adults declaring their commitment to a life of love, with thoughtful intention and joy.
It’s a cliché to say that weddings are not just about two individuals but about two families coming together — and yet, clichés exist for a reason. This wedding promises to be a union not only of hearts but of histories, cultures, and hopes.
Given my own personal story (a tale for another day), I was especially conscious about ensuring that the communication surrounding the wedding was clear, open, and caring. It mattered that everyone felt included — and seen. Of course, life will throw its share of trials their way. But there is a calm confidence in knowing that they will meet those challenges with grace and dignity. Together, they have built a strong foundation — not just for a wedding day, but for a lifetime of love and partnership. I, along with their families and friends, will always be there — to support, to listen, and to celebrate the little joys of life as they come.
And finally, what joy it is to be the Baba (father) of a wise, radiant bride, Srushti and the father-in-law to a kind, loving man, Craig. Throughout the whirlwind of events and preparations, I was overwhelmed by the love and goodwill of our community — friends and family, who showed up with open hearts.
This entire journey reaffirmed my faith in the beauty of human love.
The structures that shape Modern Life
(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on May 14,2025 )
Capitalism, Democracy, and other structures We Live in!
It is often said that capitalism and democracy are made for each other. Around them swirl modern myths: the rugged individual, the rational economic man, and the ever-wise free market. These stories are not neutral; they are the main structures that shape—or, more accurately, imprison—our lives. They define what is possible, desirable, and valuable.
The Shape of the Modern World
The world today is almost uniformly organized into nation states and their various sub-units—states, cities, districts, and so on. These nation states are the primary actors in the arena of geo-politics, where they compete for resources, influence, and market share.
Most claim to be democracies, with a few exceptions of authoritarian rule—either by individuals or single parties. Their interactions are governed by bilateral agreements, international negotiations, and the presence of multilateral organizations, whose effectiveness and influence vary significantly.
The Corporate Engine
In parallel, we find another powerful actor: the corporate organization. These range from tiny local businesses to massive multinational corporations. All of them, regardless of scale, are rooted in the ideology of capitalism.
Corporations shape our lives in tangible and invisible ways. They provide goods and services, offer employment (our primary means of earning a living), influence public policy and the politics of nation states. Their presence is so deeply embedded in the modern fabric that we often overlook their immense power in shaping societies.
Religion and Cultural Influence
Another layer of influence in our lives is religion—either the one we are born into or the one we choose to follow. Its impact, however, seems to depend on both personal affluence and social environment. Some religions hold sway more than others in specific communities, and the depth of their influence can vary widely. But even in secular societies, religion continues to play a formative role in identity and values.
Money: The Universal driver?
A force that brings together all these structures —governments, corporations, and individuals—is money. Fiat currency, issued by the state, is something we all live with. It is supposed to be simultaneously, a unit of measure, a medium of exchange, and a store of value.
Yet, paradoxically, no one ever feels they have enough of it. Regardless of wealth, the desire for more persists—fueling economic growth, inequality, and personal anxiety.
Fear as Foundation
At their core, these structures seem to be responses to fear—the primal fear of being alone in a hostile world. To feel secure, the modern ego reaches for control. Ironically, instead of healing that fear, the world we’ve built uses it as a tool:
Fear as control → Control as security → Security as consumption → Consumption as identity.
And all the while, the original fear remains.
A Culture of Scarcity
Today's social structures are universally fear-based. They frame life as a constant competition and perpetuate the myth of scarcity. No matter who you are or what you have, you are always made to feel insecure. And this insecurity fuels the endless urge to consume—goods, experiences, even identities.
There is no end to it. Not even a moment of enough. No true satiation.
The Desire to Belong
There is an undeniable impulse in each of us to identify with something larger than ourselves. This can be rooted in fear—but also in something more profound.
At times, we experience a sense of oneness with a larger whole—what we might call love. But love demands the letting go of our familiar identities, and that, too, can provoke fear.
So we remain caught:
Between fear and love,
Between control and surrender,
Between identity and dissolution.
Reflections on Wholeness, Love, and Inner Work
(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on April28,2025 )
Peter Senge used to say that systems thinking is a language for thinking and communicating about wholes — as opposed to our everyday language, which tends to be more linear and things-oriented.
I remember sitting in a little café in Berkeley 27 years ago, talking with Fritjof Capra. He said something that has stayed with me ever since: that more than systems thinking, what’s needed is a feeling for the whole. Not just an understanding, but a lived perception. He also believed that Indian or Hindu culture holds deep truths about this — that it offers pathways to experience wholeness and to live in alignment with it. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why the culture has survived and evolved over millennia, enduring through wave after wave of external challenge.
Arie de Geus often spoke of organizations that lasted for decades and even centuries - the living organisation. Their longevity, he believed, came from an ability to learn, to adapt, and to create. There is something alive at the heart of these living organizations. Something that gave them the capacity to grow and regenerate across generations.
Humberto Maturana, along with Dennis Sandow, did profound work on the centrality of love. Maturana used to say, “Love is the only emotion that makes intelligence grow.” It’s a statement I’ve returned to many times. Dennis has spent decades helping grow networks of acceptance within organizations and communities — always using whatever tools or practices were necessary to enable this essential transformation.
I’ve had the privilege of speaking with each of these remarkable thinkers in person — except Humberto. My own attempts to build on their work, however, often ran aground. Sometimes in the politics of the organizations I was part of. More often, in the shadows of my own ego. It has brought home a deep truth: the inner work is essential for any outer manifestation. Without it, something — fear, resistance, the need for control — always seems to block the emergence of a truly collective intelligence. One that’s greater than the sum of its individual parts.
Over the years, in conversations with friends, colleagues, clients — again and again, the importance of personal healing and self-love has become obvious. The capacity to truly accept what is, seems to be the foundation of a creative, peaceful, and connected life.
To be okay with discomfort, pain, even what we call “negative” emotions — that takes something. It takes the willingness to remember that all experiences are transitory, and the deeper knowing that I am bigger than my experiences. When I rush to suppress, project, or reject what I feel, it is fear that is driving me. These so-called negative emotions often trigger conditioned responses — avoidance, suppression, numbing. And the irony is, when we dull those feelings, we end up muting the positive ones too. We rarely, if ever, fully feel our feelings.
However, I’ve started to see fear itself as an invitation: a call to shine the light of awareness into hidden spaces, to love myself out of the story of the ego.
There are so many unspoken rules about emotions versus thinking — about which is “supposed” to guide our lives. Our conscious mind wants to stay in control, editing out what it sees as noise. But emotions are not noise. They are sensations in the body, woven together with the meanings we assign to them. And all too often, we respond not to reality, but to our conditioning around those sensations.
Over the past decade, I’ve discovered again and again: “a willingness to love what is”, is a gift that keeps giving. It has helped me become less reactive, less impulsive, less harried. And it has opened me to moments of real joy — the kind that doesn't require celebration, because it is celebration.
And in the end, this is what enables, what Capra had talked about – the feeling for the whole. Here is where the nested wholes, we and the world are, meet in a loving embrace, in an ongoing celebration of living.
I wonder, what keeps you from loving what is, in your life, currently?
The Idea of Improvement: A Reflection
(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on May 5,2025 )
We often hear that science and technology have vastly improved human life over the last 400 years. From the invention of the steam engine to the internet revolution, progress appears undeniable. As we continue innovating—especially in greener, more sustainable ways—many believe life will only get better. And in many tangible ways, it has.
Comforts of the Modern Age
Compared to the 14th or 15th century, our life expectancy has significantly increased. For those of us fortunate enough to be well off, the comforts we experience are miles ahead of what our ancestors could even imagine. Reliable access to food and clean water, clothing, electricity, sanitation systems, and the internet—these are real blessings of the material world. They define what we commonly think of as "improvement."
But is improvement just material?
Improvement, Perfection, and the Illusion of right /wrong
The concept of improvement often rides alongside another deeply human idea: perfection.
Perfection suggests something flawless—without error. But "flaw" is itself a subjective perception. What seems flawed or perfect depends heavily on our lens, which is often grounded in our ideas of right and wrong. But is anything truly right or wrong in an absolute sense?
Albert Einstein once said something to the effect of: “It is futile to argue which theory is right. They are all wrong by definition—because reality is far bigger than any approximation of it.” Instead, he suggested asking: “Which theory is more useful in a given context?”
Yet in our daily lives, we are hooked on this loop of judgment. Constantly evaluating, labeling, and chasing the "right" thing.
The Pleasure-Pain Dance
As humans, we’re wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. It’s a survival mechanism—an old and automatic one. But real life teaches us something more nuanced.
We know from experience that too much pleasure-seeking can lead to pain. We’ve also seen how certain painful experiences can lead to growth—whether it's “growing pains,” “birthing pains,” or emotional breakthroughs. As the saying goes: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”
From Pleasure to Joy
There’s also a difference between seeking pleasure and experiencing joy.
Pleasure is often external and fleeting. Joy, on the other hand, seems to come from a deeper, quieter place. It often arrives when we least expect it—sometimes in the middle of grief, fear, or struggle.
I believe, all our efforts toward “improvement” may actually be attempts to reach this state of joy. But joy doesn't always lie in escape—it lies in presence.
The Real Practice of Improvement
What I’ve come to realize over the last decade or more is this: Joy often lies at the end of fully experiencing the present moment—no matter what that moment contains. Pain, sadness, fear—they are not to be avoided or denied. Nor are they to be dramatized or acted out. Simply felt.
It’s a bit like learning to swim. You can’t do it by reading books or standing on the shore. You have to get into the water, move your body, and trust that you’ll float.
Improvement, then, may not be about reaching some flawless version of life. It might just be about learning how to be here—fully, honestly, and courageously.
Would you care to share - What brings you joy? What enables you to be present?
Conflict – Curse or a Blessing
(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on May 30, 2025 )
You will say, how can conflict ever be a blessing? While “curse” may be a tad dramatic, most of us, at least the “wise ones”, do everything to not have any conflict. Correct?
This reflection was triggered by what has been happening the last two weeks – in the lives of friends & family. Three different settings:
First, a young man struggling to cope with career/relationship challenges.
Second, a wise professional of decades of great work trying to negotiate a relationship with the board.
Third, a young bride-to-be & her father dealing with an upcoming wedding.
Apparently very different situations. However, as I see them, there is conflict at the center.
First — more with himself.
Second — one between roles (or values?).
Third — between child & parent (also about past & present).
Being “involved” in some capacity in each, I was fascinated by my own different reactions/responses.
In the first, I could see the war within & had to get him to see a different way of looking at it – rather than see the look for an escape or a distraction, a quick fix. There was an invitation to feel the pain rather than blame self or others. There could be an acceptance of "mistakes" & learning from them. The insurmountable block could be met with one little change done with love & acceptance. I had to manage the temptation to give advice and make myself vulnerable by sharing from my own life.
The second revealed, after long conversations between friends, deep-seated patterns on both sides of the conflict. The invitation is/was to drop the conclusions, look at the future & see if there could be a shared vision which would enable the hard work of mending relationships. Our wise friend had to see something new—but it seems to be too little too late. Had to set aside my desire to "save” the great work.
The third was a triggering of trauma, leading to panic (for a while) for the young lady & a resurfacing of anger (& underlying defensiveness) for the father. Since much inner work has been done by both, and with the healthy trust in the relationship, there was a holding of space, also enabled by the loving presence of others, that led to new understanding of each other as well as the more healing required. Here, the need was to acknowledge the past but not let it cloud the present & preclude a different future.
In each, there has been “progress,” different in each case. Everyone involved has had a chance to shift from blaming to claiming responsibility. Rather than avoiding conflict, there was an owning of one's contribution to the situation. That's necessary but not sufficient for change/resolution. That’s not always as straightforward.
What has changed for each? Only time will tell. But it was a blessing, not a curse. Hence to me it was a great example of how conflict—honestly & humbly—could bring growth in us.
What's your experience with conflict?
What's your challenge in resolution?
On Resistance (to Change)
(This article was originally published on LinkedIn on May 21, 2025 )
After the initial burst of writing last month, I took a break to cleanup the writing for eventual sharing. Had a good time reading and reflecting on the responses (written and verbal). All the time, I was aware of my commitment to keep writing these invitations for Joytalks!—and yet kept postponing (for all good reasons) the act of actually writing the next one.
Now it's week 5 and no fresh material. I also have material to share—previous work that could be shared with possible updates or rephrasing. Somehow the time for that is not here yet. And here I was, not wanting to write, clearly facing an inner resistance whose shape or name I didn’t comprehend.
One option was to give in and not try to write anything new—just keep my commitment (to my coach!) by sharing something each week from updated previous material. Another was to break the commitment—came up with many good excuses to justify the break. All sensible but not “real”!
So the only option that seemed to work was to put pen to paper and explore this business of resistance. The way we keep the status quo going—or at least try to. Something about stepping into the unknown, about not wanting to fail, not wanting to look or sound stupid. I also hear the words, “What difference will it make?” “What’s the point? What difference has the sharing and writing so far made?”
Then the awareness expands, brings back memories of many such inclinations of wanting to give up—to stay safe, to remain invisible. I suddenly realize that this is the voice of my inner resistance to being myself. This is triggered by my deep-seated conditioning, my deep-seated fear. It has shown up in daily life as wanting the same food, same clothes, same routines—the quest for the familiar. Familiar as the comfortable, whether it really is or not!
I have also had periods where I wanted to get going, to make change happen—personally and at a larger scale. All because I had seen “the right way” or “the right correction,” and all that was required was vigorous action. Damn the resistance. Push hard to achieve the obvious goal. Purposeful activity over everything else. Results were achieved but at a heavy cost—to self and others. Goals accomplished, celebration attempted, but no experience of joy or real fulfillment.
That then led to me not wanting to push hard, to eventually finding ways to justify the status quo. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
“Accepting what is” turns out to be the key to seeing the dynamic at hand. All the deep reflections, journeys, and inner work brought home the understanding that this is the play! All designed to bring out what sits inside. Only when I love what is, am I able to meet the structures inside that are causing the resistance.
With self-acceptance and tough love from friends and family, one then wakes and works through what needs working through to stay the course, to enjoy the twists and turns in the plot. Most of all, to see the blessing in the challenge—the joy of discovering new facets of self and world-at-large. What was once impossible now becomes a blessing, a celebration of the latent capacity within.A new source of joy!!
What resistance are you meeting today?
What might it be trying to teach you?